Marriage? Maybe Not
by Xavierra
Summary: Hikaru’s engaged, and while she’s planning the wedding Hikaru’s having second thoughts. What is he hiding that’s make him regret his proposal? Hikaru/Kaoru. A bit Hikaru/OFC. Twincest.


Title- Marriage? (Maybe Not)  
Rating-PG-13  
Summary- Hikaru's engaged, and while she's planning the wedding Hikaru's having second thoughts. What is he hiding that's make him regret his proposal?  
Pairings- Hikaru/Kaoru a bit Hikaru/OFC (it was necessary. Without her there would be no plotline.)  
Author's Notes- Second fic! I feel quite accomplished with this. I imagined this taking place in their late 20's or so.  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything but the plotline.

* * *

She was talking about wedding plans again, going on about the perfect setting, the perfect invitations, the perfect flowers, and the _perfect _everything. Hikaru couldn't handle it. He tried remembering why he had even proposed, but he did remember why he proposed and looking back at it now it seemed so foolish. She seemed so happy now and Hikaru didn't have the heart to crush her spirit.

He looked at his cell phone, itching to call his brother, for some sort of advice, anything, maybe he just wanted to hear his twin's voice. Hikaru picked up the phone and tapped on it. When she looked up, he pointed at it, and she only nodded before going back to planning. Hikaru had insisted on getting a wedding planner, she had refused saying she wanted to do it herself, that it would be more special that way. In the end Hikaru had gave in.

He went to the deck, and sat on the porch swing. Quickly dialed his brother's number and waited. _It rang once._

_Twice._

_Thrice._

--  
_This call is meant to be brief  
a simple hello ending with goodbye.  
__Then you say hello  
--_

"Hello?"

"Kaoru?"

"Yeah."

"Hey man, what are you up to?"

"Nothing. You okay Hikaru? You sound kind of irritated." Hikaru let out a long breath and relaxed a bit more. He knew that Kaoru could see right through him. It kind of amazed him that it only took Kaoru one sentence to figure out that there was something bugging him. Hikaru was just waiting for him to ask so he could know what to do.

"No, I'm fine. It's just the wedding and stuff." He paused before quietly adding, "I don't think I can marry her, Kaoru."

"Why not?"

"I don't love her."

"You're probably just getting cold feet, Hikaru. You'll see after you get married you'll look back at this and laugh."

"No, Kaoru. I never loved her, I know that. I was thinking that in time I could learn how to love her, but I can't! I just can't! The only reason I even proposed is because-"

"Because?"

"Can we meet up tomorrow? I'd rather discuss this in person, and she acts odd if I'm on the phone too long."

"Yeah, okay. The usual coffee shop, tomorrow at seven?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, goodnight Hikaru."

"Goodnight."

He flipped his phone shut and stared at it. Was he actually going to confess to his brother, his _twin _that the reason he couldn't marry _her_, couldn't _love _her was because he was in love with him? Maybe if he did get it out he would be able to go through the marriage. Maybe it was all a matter of clearing his conscience. Hikaru tried to convince himself that this was the case, but no matter how he phrased it he could tell that he was lying to himself.

When he went back inside, she was packing all the wedding planning stuff. She didn't look at him, only said that she was going to bed and disappeared to their bedroom. Hikaru didn't make much of it. He walked by the box that she kept the planning things in and could see things circled in red. The guilt was consuming him more and more every day.

--  
_Now, I am melting  
and now my goodbye  
becomes a goodnight.  
I don't mind if you don't mind  
please say you do not mind if this call  
goes on all night.  
Cause I have more to say  
my afternoon was okay.  
--_

Hikaru stepped inside the familiar coffee shop at exactly seven o'clock. It was a small shop that he and Kaoru had discovered in their senior year of high school; it was a nice quiet and peaceful place. When they were younger they had come there often to get away from everyone else, they had loved their friends and family but everyone needed quiet now and then.

As he made his way to their usual table he was suddenly engulfed in a hug. Hikaru smiled into his younger twin's shoulder, and returned the hug. When the embrace ended Kaoru smiled a small smile at him and said "Come on, I ordered for you." And sure enough there were two coffee cups on their table. Hikaru sat down as Kaoru took the seat across from him.

--  
_My evening was fine but this night  
I want it to be the best night  
of our lives.  
--_

"So, you want to start with small talk or head straight into the discussion we're here for?" Kaoru said, and for the first time in his life Hikaru felt uncomfortable around his brother.

"Might as well go into the main topic."

"Okay, so why are you having second thoughts about marrying Mai?"

Hikaru sighed. "It's like I said before, I don't love her. I've never loved her." He paused and chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "I love someone else, and I have for a long time now."

Kaoru looked up at him, a questioning look on his face as if to say why did I not know about this sooner? "Oh, that could be a problem. Who is it?"

"I'm not so sure about this anymore. You might end up hating me."

"Hating you? No matter who it is, I won't hate you, I could never hate you." Hikaru figured he had nothing to lose at this point. Maybe if he just started off slowly.

"Well first off, I think I might be gay." Hikaru waited for the response to see how his brother would handle that part.

"So it's a guy?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Oh, someone I know?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Are we going with the guessing games now? Just tell me Hikaru. I promise that it won't change anything no matter who it is."

"Well you see," Hikaru paused, "the thing is that" he paused again and suddenly it was way too hard to breath and Hikaru thought he was about to start hyperventilating, "it's you." Hikaru managed to choke out.

--  
_Sweet Darling  
this is my confession to-  
--_

Hikaru looked at the clock that was up at the front of shop, right about the counter. He fixed his gaze on it; he couldn't look at his brother right now. A minute passed. Then two minutes. Why wasn't Kaoru saying anything?

"Kaoru, say something." More silence. "Please."

"You should talk to your fiancé." That wasn't something Hikaru wanted to hear. He knew that he had to talk to Mai. He wanted Kaoru's response to this situation, but his twin seemed set on ignoring his confession.

"I knew you would hate me." Hikaru said standing up and heading for the door. Arms circling his waist stopped him. He was pulled back onto a warm, hard body, identical to his own.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I've said that already." Kaoru whispered in his ear.

"Then why-"

"Hikaru, if we weren't in a public place right now, I'd kiss you and proceed to have my way with you. However we are in a public place, and we're two guys, with the same face and it would cause some stares."

"Oh."

"Sit back down so we can finish talking about this."

Hikaru sat down, and tried to process everything that had happened in the last five minutes.

"Wait Kaoru what does all this mean?"

"It means that I love you too. But I refuse to do anything until you talk with Mai. She is a nice girl and I think she deserves to know. Although I don't think telling her that you're breaking off the engagement because you want to have an incestuous relationship with your twin brother would be the best way to do so. So go home, talk to Mai, and call me later. Okay?"

Hikaru was in a daze, he did not think that things would go this way. He hadn't even confessed in hopes of starting a relationship, he just wanted to get it off his chest. But he decided that the relationship thing was a much better idea.

"Okay." He said and they both stood up. They hugged goodbye and Hikaru wished that he actually could have gotten a kiss but he knew that Kaoru was right and they couldn't do so there.

--  
_the crimes of wanting you badly.  
--_

Hikaru stepped into the living room and saw that the planning box was left untouched. He thought of it a bit odd but did not dwell on the thought.

"Mai?" He called.

She stepped out from the bedroom, "What is it?"

"Can you come here? We need to talk."

"Okay." She sat down on the couch and he sat down next to her. He had thought about waiting until tomorrow to actually talk to Mai but had decided that it was just better to get it out soon as possible. He thought about how to go through with this, he had never actually broken an engagement before.

"Mai, you are a fantastic girl and we've certainly had our fun times, but-"

"You don't love me and can't marry me. Right?" Mai had cut him off and said it all very blatantly.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I overheard you talking with your brother last night. I was hurt by it at first. I mean I really do love you, Hikaru, and I was so excited about getting married. But I thought about it and I knew that you would be miserable staying with me, and I wouldn't want that. Although I do have to ask, why did you propose? You never did say that part in the phone call." She had mumbled the last part.

"Oh, because I was trying to forget about someone, and I thought that maybe I could learn how to love you in time and that I would get over my love for them. It didn't really work out."

Mai gave him a sad smile and nodded in understanding. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Hikaru."

"Goodnight. Oh! I'll move out by the end of the week."

"Okay," she said before disappearing back into the bedroom.

--  
_And darlin' if you're wondering  
here's your answer  
yes I like you  
I don't love you  
I can't love you  
--_

Hikaru was about to go to sleep himself but then he remembered that he told Kaoru that he was going to call him. He stepped out onto the porch once again and dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"I broke it off."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that was quick."

"Yeah, I thought it was best to get it out of the way."

"I see."

"I said that I would move out by the end of the week."

"Oh? Where to?" And Hikaru knew that his brother was teasing him now.

"Oh I don't know, maybe some nice apartment in America or something."

"I don't know how I feel about long distance relationships."

"You should just let me move in with you then."

"I don't know. . ."

"Kaoru!"

Kaoru laughed, "Yeah, okay. You should come over tomorrow."

"Okay. But I'm going to go to sleep now, I'm tired. Good night, Kaoru."

"Goodnight, I love you." As far as Hikaru was concerned he would never tire of hearing that.

"I love you too." He said and turned off the phone.

--  
_These calls are getting longer  
and these nights go on  
and on and on forever.  
I do believe I'm getting better  
knowing you  
hopefully all of you.  
--_

When Hikaru arrived at his brother's house the next day he let himself in. He had knocked, quite a few times, but he wasn't getting an answer and the door was unlocked so he went in. He looked around for his twin but he was no where in sight. Then Hikaru heard the shower running and he knew that it was going to take a while. Kaoru had always loved to take abnormally long showers. He settled on watching television while waiting for his brother to finish.

He had finally found a decent show when he was tackled. He ended up rolling off the couch with Kaoru on top of him.

"You never were one for a subtle entrance." Hikaru stated.

Kaoru shook his head, and kissed him. It wasn't what Hikaru had been expecting right then, but he wasn't about to object. He kissed back, and smiled a bit into it and then Kaoru pulled away all too soon. "I've been waiting to do that." Kaoru whispered. Hikaru wrapped his arms around Kaoru and pulled him down so he was lying right on top of him.

Hikaru managed to get another kiss, longer than the first one, but still only lips against lips. Hikaru would be lying if he said that he wasn't nervous. He was sure that this was what he wanted, but it was overwhelming and he had never been in a relationship with another guy before.

Hikaru wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when all they ended up doing was watching a movie together. He supposed that Kaoru holding him and lacing their fingers together during the movie made up for it.

--  
_Sitting watching movies  
we both know I do not watch a bit of it  
cause I am much too busy  
leaving my hand close enough  
so you'll hold it  
Sweet Darling  
this is my confession to  
the crimes of wanting you badly  
--_

Mai was making phone calls, telling people that the wedding was off. She hadn't actually sent out the invitations yet, but she had told quite a few people about the engagement. Hikaru felt slightly guilty but ignored the feeling. Mai ended the phone called and turned to him.

"Hikaru, could I ask you some questions? A few things have been bothering me since our talk last night."

Hikaru wasn't sure if he liked where this was going but nodded anyway.

"You said that you proposed to forget about someone. Did something happen that made you not want to forget about them and that's why you broke it off?" Damn. Mai was intelligent and seemed to already have figured this bit out. Hikaru supposed he could answer it, if he worded it carefully.

"Uhm, yeah. You see, the other day I thought that maybe I could confess and get it off my chest. So I would feel better about the situation, and that I could actually learn to love you, and give you what you deserve. I wasn't actually expecting them to return my feelings though. They did though." Hikaru managed to get it all out and then quickly repeated the confession in his mind analyzing it for any slips. "If it wasn't for them I could probably love you. I could go through with this wedding. But they're there and even though I can't love you, I do care for you though and that's why I'm telling you all of this, because I think you deserve to know. I'm sorry."

"Can I know who it is?" Fuck.

"No."

"Hikaru, I think I at least deserve to know who you're leaving me for!" She said using his words against him irritation obvious in her voice.

"Mai, please. I just can't tell you."

She didn't look at him as she whispered, "Why?"

"It's complicated. I just can't."

It was silent for a long time before she said "Okay," in a soft voice, and Hikaru almost didn't hear it. She quickly left the room shutting herself into the bedroom. Hikaru decided that he might as well start packing; the end of the week was within two days and he hadn't even started. He briefly wondered if Kaoru was sleeping already, wondering if he should call his twin to tell him about what just happened. He decided against it, not wanting to bother Kaoru again.

--  
_And Darlin' if you're wondering  
here's your answer  
yes I like you  
I don't love you  
I can't love you  
And I can not stop thinking about you  
I can not stop wondering  
if you're constantly  
thinking about me_

Kaoru nipped at his ear, and then made his way to Hikaru's jaw, then his neck. He bit down slightly there, and on to Hikaru's collarbone.

"Kaoru."

"Hmm?" Kaoru asked but didn't stop.

"I should go."

Kaoru stopped. "No, stay the night." Kaoru kissed him, and it wasn't like their first kiss. It was rough and passionate and left them both a bit breathless.

"I have to finish packing."

"No, stay."

"Kaoru, I have a day before I move out."

"Stay, Hikaru. I'll come with you in the morning to help you pack. I don't work tomorrow anyway."

Hikaru was about to object. He really did need to pack, it would take a while, and he wasn't sure where a lot of his things were anymore. Although Kaoru had kissed him again and now there were hands attempting to take off his pants, and Hikaru completely forgot why he was arguing in the first place.

--  
_Don't close your eyes dear I'm still staring  
I won't lie dear I'm still breathing  
even though your beauty is breath taking  
Sweet Darling  
this is my confession to  
the crimes of wanting you badly  
--_

They had packed five boxes and Hikaru wasn't completely sure if some of the stuff was even his. But he knew that it wasn't something Mai would keep lying around so it had to be his. Kaoru had stopped helping him a while ago and instead was looking at a photo album. Hikaru hadn't looked at the thing in years.

"Hikaru! Look a picture of in the Host Club! I have talked to any of them for a while."

Hikaru looked at the picture briefly smiling a bit at and said "Yeah, we'll have to call them some time soon." They had kept in touch, but with everyone's jobs it was difficult to actually find the time to just sit around and reminiscence. They both went silent; the only sound that could be heard was the clatter of Hikaru rummaging through things separating his stuff from Mai's.

"Mai asked me who I was leaving her for." Hikaru said breaking the silence.

"Oh. Did you tell her?"

"No. Do you think I should have?"

"No. I don't think she would understand."

"Yeah."

Then it was silent again as Hikaru continued packing and Kaoru turned back to the photo album.

"Hikaru, could you at least move the boxes out of the doorway?" Mai said as she was coming home from work.

"Oh, hey Kaoru," she said as she stepped into the living room.

Kaoru politely smiled and murmured a "hello" back and he continued to flip through the photo album.

"I'm going to go shower and take a nap. Try not to make too much noise, okay?" Mai said looking at both of them as they nodded. Her gaze lingered on Hikaru's neck for a brief moment, and then she left disappearing to the bathroom.

"Hey, Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"Do I have something on my neck?"

Kaoru finally looked away from the photo album and smirked. "Yeah, looks like I left a mark last night." He crawled to Hikaru and kissed the mark on his older brother's neck.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru hissed "Don't!" Kaoru stopped and went back to where he was sitting and picked up the photo album and packed it away. He finally continued to help Hikaru pack. Hikaru was excited that he was moving in. He really didn't like sneaking around this much. He wasn't actually sure why but he hadn't even told Mai where he was going when he left the house. She wouldn't have thought anything of it if he said that he was only going to his brother's house. But then he remembered her seeing the hickey and thought that it was better that he didn't tell her after all.

He looked at Kaoru sorting through things next to him, and gave his younger twin a quick kiss. And Kaoru briefly smiled at him before continuing to pack things. Hikaru thought that for once his life actually felt complete.

--  
_And Darlin' if you're wondering  
here's your answer  
yes I like you  
I can't love you  
I can't love you  
Or at least I don't think I do yet.  
--_

* * *

Author's notes- I changed my mind about if I actually liked this or not so many times, well anyway, the song is Darlin' by Between the Trees. And this is not beta'd so sorry for any mistakes.


End file.
